Registering Your Apartment In Germany

A Survivor's Guide

The German bureaucratic system can be a maddening beast. Not to fret, after years of living here, I think I have finally figured it out. This step-by-step guide will help you easily navigate your way through the process of registering your new apartment in Deutschland.

1. First, the easy part. Get a Wohnungsgeberbestätigung at the Bürgerämter.

2. You and your landlord fill this form out separately. Then jointly. Then separately again.

3. Fill out the form jointly again. Make 7 copies of the form to be given to the 7 Barons of the German Bureaucracy at a later date determined by the office.

4. Arrange an appointment at the Citizen’s office to return the completed form, but not the same one where you got the form originally. That is in Tax District IV, you want to return the form in Tax District IXV. This only applies to even number days on odd number months.

5. In order for your appointment to be accepted, you will be required to correctly answer no fewer than five questions on German existentialism.

6. Bring your residency card, copy of your lease, a nuanced critique on the structural efficiency of the Autobahn, and the secret bread that only Germans know about.

7. Once you have arrived at the office, write your name on the etched stone tablet provided. This will enter you into the Legendary Battle Arena. Here, you will engage in hand-to-hand combat with progressively tougher bureaucrats until you are crowned Großherzog (Grand Duke).

   1. If you filled out Appendix H, you will rule Lower Saxony and Thuringia ONLY.

   2. If you filled out Appendix 12R, you are entitled to Hessen and Bavaria.

8. If you do not pay the Church Tax annually, you will be required to first ascend to German Protestant heaven in order to complete form CA-7: Non-Church Affiliated Exemption Clause B.

9. The official will then check your documents and your overall posture. Be sure to sit up, you slouch. If everything is in order, they will stamp both with either the Weißwürste or Regensburger Wurst. The official will then recite the ancient hymn of Falco and complete the process.

10. Expect your new, official apartment registration by mail in 6-8 business months.

    1. If you do not receive any documents in that timeframe, you will need to move apartments and try again.

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